Un’Expectations’

So I had today planned out perfectly. I set my alarm to allow myself lots of time in case I had the ‘blahs’ and had a hard time getting motivated. Thankfully I didn’t need the alarm because although I had ‘expected’ to have a wonderful trip to La-La Land, my brain decided that pulling an all nighter was the way to go.

So I get up pre-alarm and run a wonderfully warm and relaxing bath to try to eleviate any tension. I ‘expected’ to be uninterrupted as it was 7am and the kids had stayed up late watching movies. What happened was …(in our house the cat litter is in the bathroom so we usually leave the door opened a couple of inches to allow the two cats the luxury of coming and going as they wish to avoid exactly what happened)…when I got into the tub and started to approach that blissful point of mediation/relaxation where all you see behind your closed eye lids is white, all you hear is the drip drip drip of the faucet that hasn’t been turned off quite tight enough, all you feel is the tension escaping with every exhale of the super steamy and vanilla bean scented air, only to hear the ba-doinging of the door stopper, a pounce and the door shutting, followed by the immediate meowing…from both sides of the door. God forbid the door keep the two cats apart for 15 minutes. I ignored the meowing for a good 5 minutes until the loud but deep mournful “HELP” meows started, but even though I ‘expected’ to kill the cats, they were pathetic enough to gain my forgiveness until another antic put them in my cross hairs.

So after all the other mondain tasks were completed at home, I went to my parents home ‘expecting’ my mother to be ready for a funeral that I was told and was ‘expecting’ to start at 10am. How lovely it was to learn that I gained an extra half hour because the funeral time was later than first thought. We arrive at the Parish where I was ‘expecting’ a small affair only to find full pews from front to back. (Although I didn’t personally know this relative it was wonderful to hear such warm and comforting words.)

I wasn’t ‘expecting’ to take away anything from the full Catholic mass, other than the memory of how much anxiety I felt leading up to the service. Its totally a me thing, but every funeral I’ve been to since my Gramps passing, just brings a flood of emotions I don’t always know how to process. What I actually left with was this question “What adjective would your loved ones use to describe you?” Funny how one well placed statement can just stick in someone’s unconsciousness, until a time or place that allows us to really think about it huh?

The rest of the day I spent with Mom running a couple of errands and talking about life, family and faith. Ya I know right?! Anyone who knows me well knows religion, faith and family matters are usually ticking time bombs, but today, ‘unexpectedly’, Mom and I had pretty open and free flowing opinions and outlooks without the usual tension. 

To round off the day, I picked up my 8yrs old nephew and as ‘expected’ on our adventurese had the windows down and tunes cranked. We had a talk about something that was weighing on his mind and then we went and picked up a pizza and headed home. On the way home,(during an XM commercial following ‘Jump!Jump!’ By Criss Cross, that had us seat dancing and arms waving out the windows) Lucas pipes up from the back seat “Aunt Tammy?” (Catching my gaze in the mirror)”I love how your eyes are always smiling when I’m with you”.

Talk about an unexpected moment. 

So although I had taken a full nights sleep to organize my day to go the way I expected it to, to accomplish all the things I thought I needed to accomplish. I find myself laying here at 9pm in a quiet room, where usually a TV would be blaring, reliving my day and analyzing the events that led me to ponder the question, “what adjective would my loved ones use to describe me after I died?” and even though I don’t ‘expect’ I will ever find out, what each individuals answer would be, I do know that as long as my eyes are ‘smiling’, I am LOVED and that’s the only adjective that really matters.

 

 

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Moments

Welcome.

I decided today would be “The Day” to start a blog. Why today? Why not?!

I have been encouraged to share my stories and long winded moments of verbal diaherria because I offer an open, honest and uncensored opinion on what matters to me.

I can’t promise you anything profound or thought provoking, but what I share may just be comforting, entertaining or even reassuring knowing that you aren’t alone in life’s battles, and that sometimes the smallest of gestures can make the biggest difference in how we lay our heads down at night. 

I haven’t led the most adventurous life, but it has been quite colorful. From wiping crayons off the walls, to literally giving myself green hair. All of these moments in my life have been blended and kneaded into my being, making me the person I am, and like it or not, what you see is what you get. 

This is Me.